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"I'm not a snacker; I'm a professional taster of snacks."



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I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, my phone, and my temper.

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I don't need a personal shopper; I have an unlimited supply of cute online stores.

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I'm not a perfectionist; I'm a perfectionist in progress—learning to embrace imperfections.

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I don't need a chef; I have a microwave and a cookbook.

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I'm not clumsy. The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.

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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning sloth—slowly waking up and clinging to my bed.

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