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"I don't need a chef; I have a microwave and a cookbook."
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Related Quotes about Funny
I don't need a therapist; I have my own comedy show in my head.
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I don't need a personal assistant; I have my smartphone.
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I'm not a workaholic; I just have a strong aversion to being bored.
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I don't need a chef; I have mastered the art of eating out.
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I don't need a personal assistant; I have sticky notes.
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I'm not a psychic; I just have a knack for predicting when the pizza delivery will arrive.
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I'm not a perfectionist; I just have really high standards that I can never meet.
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I don't need a hairstylist; I have mastered the art of the messy bun.
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I'm not a perfectionist; I'm an aspiring perfectionist who never quite gets there.
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I don't need a life coach; I have a collection of motivational memes on my phone.
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I don't need a fitness tracker; my dog ensures I get my daily steps chasing after him.
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I'm not forgetful; I'm just living in the future.
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I don't need a life coach; I have a refrigerator magnet with inspirational quotes.
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I don't need a personal trainer; my cat provides all the exercise I need.
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I'm not a pessimist; I'm an optimistic realist—hoping for the best but prepared for the worst.
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I don't need a personal trainer; my dog walks me.
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I don't need a genie; I have Amazon Prime.
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I don't need a personal shopper; I have an addiction to online window shopping.
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I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something shiny.
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I can resist everything except temptation... and pizza.
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I'm not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.
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I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
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I'm not a hypochondriac; I'm just well-informed about the vast array of diseases and symptoms.
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I don't need a vacation; I need a teleportation device.
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I'm not lazy; I'm just on power-saving mode.
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I don't need a spa day; I need a spa month.
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I'm not a snob; I just have refined taste buds.
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I'm not a shopaholic; I'm helping the economy.
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I don't need a chef; I have mastered the art of cereal and microwave meals.
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I don't need a life coach; I have an unlimited supply of self-help books.
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I'm not a mind reader; I just have a talent for guessing what people are thinking and being wrong.
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I don't need a personal shopper; I have an unlimited supply of cute online stores.
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I'm not clumsy; gravity just likes me a little too much.
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I don't need a chef; I have a microwave and a cookbook.
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I'm not a chatterbox; I just have verbal diarrhea.
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I'm not clumsy. The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.
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I don't need a personal assistant; I have a virtual assistant that rarely understands my requests.
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I'm not a pessimist; I'm an undercover optimist with realistic expectations.
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I'm not a worrywart; I'm a professional over-analyzer.
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I don't need a personal shopper; I have a closet full of clothes I never wear.
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I don't need a personal chef; I have mastered the art of microwave gourmet.
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I don't need a motivational speaker; I have my alarm clock.
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I'm not a chef; I'm just really good at burning things.
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I don't need a therapist; my cat listens to me without judgment.
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I don't snore; I dream I'm a motorcycle.
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I'm not a party animal; I'm a party panda—rarely seen in public, but a legend when spotted.
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I don't need a personal chef; I just need someone to follow me around with snacks.
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I'm not short; I'm fun-sized.
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I'm not clumsy; it's just the floor hates me.
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I'm not a quitter; I'm just on a temporary hiatus from trying.
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