Quote



"I don't need a driver; I have a great sense of direction—it's just usually the wrong one."



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I don't make mistakes; I date them.

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I'm not clumsy; gravity just likes me a little too much.

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I'm not a perfectionist; I just have really high standards that I can never meet.

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I'm not a picky eater; I just have a discriminating palate.

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I'm not a scatterbrain; I'm just embracing the art of organized chaos.

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I'm not a math whiz; I just have a natural ability to calculate how much time I waste.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a playlist of '80s sitcoms to uplift my spirits.

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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning sloth—slowly waking up and clinging to my bed.

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My bed and I have a special relationship. We're perfect for each other — I get to sleep, and it supports my laziness.

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I'm not addicted to coffee. We're just in a committed relationship.

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I'm not a party animal; I'm a party dinosaur—extinct most of the time, but wild when I appear.

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I'm not clumsy; it's just the floor hates me.

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I'm not a troublemaker; I'm just misunderstood... and frequently caught.

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I'm not a procrastinator; I just like to live on the edge of deadlines.

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I don't need a personal shopper; I have a closet full of clothes I never wear.

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I'm not a drama queen; I'm a drama scientist—experimenting with emotions.

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I don't need a personal shopper; I have mastered the art of impulse buying.

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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning monster.

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I'm not a night owl; I'm a night giraffe—elegant and tall, stumbling in the dark.

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I don't need a fashion consultant; I have my own unique style... or so I'm told.

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