Quote



"I'm not a hypochondriac; I'm just on intimate terms with WebMD."



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I'm not a shopaholic; I'm helping the economy.

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I'm not clumsy. The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.

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I don't need a personal shopper; I have mastered the art of impulse buying.

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I don't need a personal shopper; I have an unlimited supply of cute online stores.

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I don't need a fitness tracker; my pet keeps me active with constant demands for attention.

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I'm not a snacker; I'm a connoisseur of bite-sized delights.

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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning ninja—silent, moody, and ready to disappear.

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I'm not a party animal; I'm a party panda—rarely seen in public, but a legend when spotted.

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I don't need a chef; I have mastered the art of cereal and microwave meals.

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I tried being normal once. It was the worst five minutes of my life.

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I'm not high-maintenance; I just have high standards... and a few low batteries.

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I don't need a hairstylist; I have a natural talent for bedhead glamour.

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I'm not a snacker; I'm a professional taster of snacks.

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I don't need a personal chef; I have mastered the art of takeout.

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I'm not a grammar enthusiast; I'm a grammar warrior—defending the language against misspellings and typos.

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I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode.

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I'm not a psychic; I just have a strong intuition for predicting my own mistakes.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a playlist of feel-good songs.

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I don't need a life coach; I have a refrigerator magnet with inspirational quotes.

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I'm not a picky eater; I just have a discriminating palate.

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I don't need a life coach; I have inspirational quotes on my screensaver.

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I don't need a personal shopper; I have an addiction to online window shopping.

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I don't need a driver; I have a great sense of direction—it's just usually the wrong one.

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I'm not addicted to chocolate; I just have a committed relationship with it.

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I don't need a personal trainer; my fridge is my motivator.

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I'm not a perfectionist; I just have really high standards that I can never meet.

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I don't need a motivational speaker; I have my inner cheerleader.

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I'm not a daydreamer; I'm a master of creating my alternate reality.

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I'm not a party pooper; I'm just an expert in finding excuses to stay home.

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I don't need a personal trainer; I have a membership at a gym I never go to.

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I'm not a shopaholic; I'm just a collector of receipts.

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I'm not a workaholic; I just have a strong work-is-my-only-hobby game.

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I'm not a techie; I'm just fluent in speaking to electronic devices like they understand me.

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I don't need a personal shopper; I have an addiction to online sales.

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I'm not a math whiz; I just have a natural ability to calculate how much time I waste.

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I don't need a life coach; I have a collection of self-help books gathering dust on my shelf.

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I don't need a life coach; I have a collection of motivational memes on my phone.

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I'm not a drama queen; I'm a drama scientist—experimenting with emotions.

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I don't need a chauffeur; I have a habit of getting lost even with GPS.

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I don't need a personal trainer; my dog walks me.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a playlist of uplifting songs to lift my spirits.

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I'm not a scatterbrain; I just have an impressive ability to forget important things.

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I'm not a procrastinator; I'm just an efficient last-minute worker.

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My bed and I have a special relationship. We're perfect for each other — I get to sleep, and it supports my laziness.

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I don't need a fitness tracker; my dog ensures I get my daily exercise by begging for walks.

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I don't need a life coach; I have motivational quotes plastered all over my walls.

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I'm not a scatterbrain; I just have a mind that likes to wander in various directions.

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I don't need a life coach; I have an unlimited supply of self-help books.

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I'm not a scatterbrain; I just have a mind that likes to wander... and forget to come back.

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I'm not a control freak; I just know what's best for everyone.

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