Quote



"I'm not a hypochondriac; I'm just on intimate terms with WebMD."



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I put the 'pro' in procrastinate.

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I don't need a personal assistant; I have sticky notes scattered all over my desk.

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I don't need a fitness tracker; my dog ensures I get my daily steps chasing after him.

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I don't need a personal trainer; I have a subscription to a gym I rarely visit.

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I'm not a party animal; I'm a party dinosaur—extinct most of the time, but wild when I appear.

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I don't need a life coach; I have a motivational poster in my bathroom.

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I'm not a snacker; I'm a connoisseur of bite-sized delights.

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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning monster.

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I'm not a party pooper; I'm a party observer—analyzing the dynamics from a distance.

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I'm not a scatterbrain; I just have a mind that likes to wander in various directions.

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I don't need a reality show; my life is already a sitcom.

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I don't need a personal shopper; I have mastered the art of impulse buying.

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I don't snore; I dream I'm a chainsaw.

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I'm not a math genius; I just excel at calculating how much time I waste on unimportant things.

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I don't need a personal assistant; I have a calendar app to remind me of all the things I forget.

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I'm not a workaholic; I just have a strong work-is-my-only-hobby game.

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I'm not clumsy. The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.

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I don't need a chauffeur; I have a knack for getting lost even with GPS guidance.

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I don't need a personal trainer, my metabolism keeps me in shape... round is a shape, right?

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I'm not a hypochondriac; I'm just a self-diagnosing medical enthusiast.

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I don't need a personal shopper; I have an online shopping addiction.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a WhatsApp group chat for venting purposes.

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I don't need a personal trainer; my cat provides all the exercise I need.

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I don't need a driver; I have a great sense of direction—it's just usually the wrong one.

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I don't need a chauffeur; I have a natural talent for taking wrong turns.

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I'm not a party pooper; I'm just an expert in finding excuses to stay home.

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I don't need a personal assistant; I have Post-it notes everywhere.

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I'm not a troublemaker; I'm just misunderstood... and frequently caught.

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I'm not a psychic; I just have a sixth sense for predicting when pizza will arrive.

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I don't need a life coach; I have an unlimited supply of self-help books.

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I don't need a life coach; I have motivational quotes plastered all over my walls.

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I'm not a grammar Nazi; I'm a punctuation vigilante.

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I don't need a therapist; I have my pet to listen to my problems without judgment.

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I don't need a fitness tracker; my dog ensures I get enough exercise by pulling me on walks.

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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning zombie—walking through life in a caffeine-induced haze.

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I don't need a chef; I have mastered the art of cereal and microwave meals.

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I don't need a life coach; I have inspirational quotes on my screensaver.

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I don't need a life coach; I have a collection of self-help books gathering dust on my shelf.

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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning mess.

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I'm not a thrill-seeker; I'm an accident-waiting-to-happen enthusiast.

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I don't need a therapist; my cat listens to me without judgment.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a vast collection of memes to uplift my spirits.

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I'm not a control freak; I just know what's best for everyone.

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I tried being normal once. It was the worst five minutes of my life.

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I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

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I don't need a time machine; my memory takes me on unplanned trips to the past.

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I'm not a multitasker; I'm just really good at doing multiple things poorly.

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I don't need a life coach; I have motivational quotes on my fridge magnets.

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I don't need a personal shopper; I have an unlimited supply of cute online stores.

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I'm not a know-it-all; I just know a lot of useless information.

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