Quote



"I'm not clumsy. The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way."



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I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something shiny.

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I'm not a procrastinator; I just like to live on the edge of deadlines.

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I'm not a perfectionist; I'm an aspiring perfectionist who never quite gets there.

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I don't need a spa day; I need a spa month.

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I'm not a control freak; I just know what's best for everyone.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a playlist of '90s sitcoms.

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I'm not a psychic; I just have a strong intuition for predicting my own mistakes.

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I'm not forgetful; I'm just living in the future.

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I don't need a housekeeper; I have a cleaning-when-guests-are-coming strategy.

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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning zombie—dead inside until I have coffee.

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I don't need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

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I'm not fat; I'm just easier to see.

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I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, my phone, and my temper.

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I'm not a party pooper; I'm a party analyst—observing the dynamics from a distance.

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I don't need a motivational speaker; I have a YouTube playlist of inspirational speeches that I never watch.

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I don't need a personal shopper; I have an online cart full of things I'll never buy.

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I don't need a personal assistant; I have my smartphone.

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I don't need a personal trainer; I have mastered the art of scrolling through workout routines.

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I'm not a math genius; I just have a special talent for calculating how much sleep I'm losing.

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I don't make mistakes; I date them.

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I don't need a personal shopper; I have an unlimited supply of cute online stores.

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I'm not a grammar police officer; I'm a grammar superhero, here to save the world from grammatical errors.

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I don't need a therapist; I have friends who give terrible advice.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a playlist of feel-good songs.

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