Quote



"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."



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I don't need a hairstylist; I have mastered the art of the messy bun.

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I don't need anger management; people just need to stop irritating me.

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I don't need a prince charming; I need a man who can open pickle jars.

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I don't need a personal shopper; I have an online cart full of things I'll never buy.

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I don't need a personal trainer; I have a subscription to a gym I rarely visit.

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I don't need a personal trainer; I have mastered the art of avoiding physical activity.

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I'm not addicted to coffee. We're just in a committed relationship.

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I'm not lazy; I'm just on power-saving mode.

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I don't need a driver's license; I have a great sense of direction—just not on roads.

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I'm not a tech expert; I'm just really good at breaking electronic devices.

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I'm not a workaholic; I just enjoy being productive in my own unique way—by taking frequent breaks.

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I'm not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.

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I'm not a night owl; I'm a night giraffe—elegant and tall, stumbling in the dark.

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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning zombie—struggling to function without my daily dose of caffeine.

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I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something shiny.

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I don't need a personal chef; I have mastered the art of ordering takeout.

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I can resist everything except temptation... and pizza.

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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning ninja—silent, moody, and ready to disappear.

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I'm not a party pooper; I'm a party analyst—observing the dynamics from a distance.

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I don't need a life coach; I have a refrigerator magnet with inspirational quotes.

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