Quote



"I'm not an oversleeper; I'm just an underscheduler."



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I'm not a scatterbrain; I just have an impressive ability to forget important things.

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I don't need a personal trainer; my fridge is my motivator.

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I don't need a personal shopper; I have a closet full of clothes I never wear.

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I don't need a life coach; I have motivational quotes plastered all over my walls.

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I don't need a fashion consultant; I have my own unique style... or so I'm told.

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My bed and I have a special relationship. We're perfect for each other — I get to sleep, and it supports my laziness.

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I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, my phone, and my temper.

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I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

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I don't need a mechanic; I have a special talent for breaking things.

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I don't need a driver; I have my imagination to transport me anywhere.

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I don't need a personal trainer, my metabolism keeps me in shape... round is a shape, right?

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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning ninja—silent, moody, and ready to disappear.

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I don't need a prince charming; I need a man who can open pickle jars.

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I'm not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.

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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning sloth—slowly waking up and clinging to my bed.

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I don't need a hairstylist; I have a natural talent for bedhead glamour.

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I'm not a hoarder; I'm a collector of memories and things that may be useful someday... maybe.

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I'm not a snacker; I'm a professional taster of snacks.

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I don't need a personal trainer; I have a membership at a gym I never go to.

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I don't need a therapist; I have friends who give terrible advice.

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I'm not a mind reader; I just have excellent guessing skills.

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I'm not a pessimist; I'm an optimist with a realistic perspective.

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I don't need a driver; I have my imagination to take me on epic road trips.

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I'm not a procrastinator; I'm just an efficient last-minute worker.

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I don't need a housekeeper; I have a cleaning-when-guests-are-coming strategy.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a playlist of feel-good songs.

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I don't need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

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I don't need a personal trainer; I have mastered the art of finding excuses not to exercise.

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I'm not a mind reader; I just have a talent for guessing what people are thinking and being wrong.

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I put the 'pro' in procrastinate.

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