Quote



"I'm not an oversleeper; I'm just an underscheduler."



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I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, my phone, and my temper.

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I'm not a grammar police officer; I'm just a vigilant defender of the English language.

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I don't need a hairstylist; I have mastered the art of the messy bun.

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I don't need a fashion consultant; I have my own unique sense of fashion disaster.

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I'm not high-maintenance; I just have high standards... and a few low batteries.

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I always carry a map because I get lost even when I'm walking in my own neighborhood.

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I'm not a drama queen; I'm a drama scientist—experimenting with emotions.

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I don't age; I level up.

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I don't need a personal shopper; I have an online cart full of things I'll never buy.

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I'm not a thrill-seeker; I'm an accident-waiting-to-happen enthusiast.

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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning grumpasaurus—growling until I've had my coffee.

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I don't need a gym; my bank account keeps me fit.

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I'm not a night owl; I'm a night giraffe—elegant and tall, stumbling in the dark.

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I'm not clumsy. The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.

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I'm not a party pooper; I'm a party analyst—observing the dynamics from a distance.

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I'm not a scatterbrain; I just have a mind that likes to wander in various directions.

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I don't need a driver; I have a great sense of direction—it's just usually the wrong one.

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I don't need a therapist; I have my pet to listen to my problems without judgment.

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