Quote



"I can resist everything except temptation... and pizza."



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I'm not late; everyone else is just early.

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I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, my phone, and my temper.

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I don't need a fashion consultant; I have my own unique style... or so I'm told.

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I'm not a multitasker; I'm just really good at doing multiple things poorly.

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I'm not a party animal; I'm a party dinosaur—extinct most of the time, but wild when I appear.

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I'm not a hypochondriac; I'm just a medical enthusiast.

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I'm not old; I'm vintage.

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I don't need an encyclopedia; I have Google.

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I don't need a fitness tracker; my pet keeps me active with constant demands for attention.

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I'm not a mind reader; I just have a talent for guessing what people are thinking and being wrong.

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