Quote



"I'm not a quitter; I'm just on a temporary hiatus from trying."



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I put the 'pro' in procrastinate.

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I'm not a grammar nerd; I'm a grammar superhero, here to save the language from typos and misspellings.

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I don't need a therapist; I have my own comedy show in my head.

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I'm not a party animal; I'm a party dinosaur—extinct most of the time, but wild when I appear.

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I don't need a chef; I have mastered the art of cereal and microwave meals.

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I'm not a pessimist; I'm an undercover optimist with realistic expectations.

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I'm not a worrywart; I just prefer to plan for every possible disaster.

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I'm not a hoarder; I'm a collector of memories and things that may be useful someday... maybe.

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I don't need a gym; my bank account keeps me fit.

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I don't need a personal trainer; my dog walks me.

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My bed and I have a special relationship. We're perfect for each other — I get to sleep, and it supports my laziness.

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I'm not clumsy. The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.

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I'm not fat; I'm just easier to see.

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I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

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I'm not a technology addict; I'm just in a committed relationship with my devices.

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I'm not a morning person; I'm a caffeine-dependent life form.

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I don't need a chef; I have mastered the art of eating out.

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I'm not a hypochondriac; I'm just well-informed about the vast array of diseases and symptoms.

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I'm not a daydreamer; I'm a professional escapist.

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I'm not a procrastinator; I'm just embracing the fine art of last-minute creativity.

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I don't need a chauffeur; I have a sense of direction that never fails to mislead me.

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I'm not short; I'm fun-sized.

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I don't need a personal trainer; my fridge is my motivator.

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