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"I don't need an encyclopedia; I have Google."



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I'm not a grammar nerd; I'm a grammar superhero, here to save the language from typos and misspellings.

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I don't need a personal trainer; I have a membership at a gym I never go to.

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I tried being normal once. It was the worst five minutes of my life.

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I'm not late; everyone else is just early.

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I'm not a couch potato; I'm a sitting enthusiast.

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I don't need a gym membership; life is my cardio.

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I'm not a daydreamer; I'm a master of creating my alternate reality.

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I'm not a night owl; I'm a night giraffe—elegant and tall, stumbling in the dark.

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I'm not high-maintenance; I just have high standards... and a few low batteries.

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I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

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I don't need a life coach; I have a collection of self-help books gathering dust on my shelf.

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I'm not a party animal; I'm a party dinosaur—extinct most of the time, but wild when I appear.

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