Quote



"I'm not clumsy; it's just the floor hates me."



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I'm not short; I'm fun-sized.

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I don't need a personal assistant; I have a virtual assistant that rarely understands my requests.

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I'm not a mind reader; I just pretend to know what people are thinking.

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I'm not late; everyone else is just early.

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I'm not a night owl; I'm a nocturnal unicorn—magical but sleep-deprived.

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I don't need a personal chef; I have mastered the art of ordering takeout.

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I don't need a chef; I have a microwave and a cookbook.

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I'm not a picky eater; I'm just highly selective in my culinary adventures.

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I don't snore; I dream I'm a motorcycle.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a dog.

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I put the 'pro' in procrastinate.

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I'm not a night owl; I'm a night giraffe—elegant and tall, stumbling in the dark.

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