Quote



"I'm not a chatterbox; I just have verbal diarrhea."



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I'm not old; I'm vintage.

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I put the 'pro' in procrastinate.

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I'm not a mind reader; I just pretend to know what people are thinking.

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I don't need a personal shopper; I have an online cart full of things I'll never buy.

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I'm not a workaholic; I just enjoy being productive in my own unique way—by taking frequent breaks.

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I'm not a workaholic; I'm just passionate about avoiding work.

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I'm not a hypochondriac; I'm just an avid reader of medical articles.

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I'm not a workaholic; I'm just extremely passionate about taking frequent breaks.

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I don't need a motivational speaker; I have my alarm clock.

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I'm not a pessimist; I'm an undercover optimist with low expectations.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a WhatsApp group chat for venting purposes.

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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning zombie—walking through life in a caffeine-induced haze.

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I don't need an encyclopedia; I have Google.

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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning sloth—slowly waking up and clinging to my bed.

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I'm not a drama queen; I'm the whole theater production.

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I'm not a complainer; I'm just highly skilled in identifying life's absurdities.

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I don't need a personal trainer; my cat provides all the exercise I need.

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I don't need a personal assistant; I have my smartphone.

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I don't need a personal shopper; I have an unlimited supply of cute online stores.

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I don't need anger management; people just need to stop irritating me.

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I'm not late; everyone else is just early.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a playlist of funny videos to uplift my spirits.

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I'm not a mind reader; I just have excellent guessing skills.

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I'm not clumsy; I'm just dancing to the beat of my own drumstick.

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I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

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I'm not an oversleeper; I'm just a dream enthusiast.

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I'm not a technology addict; I'm just in a committed relationship with my devices.

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I don't need a housekeeper; I have a cleaning-when-guests-are-coming strategy.

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I'm not a chef; I'm just really good at burning things.

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I'm not a perfectionist; I just have really high standards that I can never meet.

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I'm not an oversleeper; I'm just an underscheduler.

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I'm not addicted to chocolate; I just have a committed relationship with it.

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I'm not a procrastinator; I'm just embracing the fine art of last-minute creativity.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a dog.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a playlist of motivational cat videos.

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I'm not a couch potato; I'm a sitting enthusiast.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a playlist of feel-good songs.

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I don't need a chef; I have a microwave and a cookbook.

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I don't need a personal shopper; I have an impeccable sense of confusion.

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I'm not a drama queen; I'm a drama empress—ruling my own chaos.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a playlist of '80s sitcoms to uplift my spirits.

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I don't need a personal chef; I have mastered the art of takeout.

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I'm not a psychic; I just have a knack for predicting when the pizza delivery will arrive.

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I can resist everything except temptation... and pizza.

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I'm not a scatterbrain; I just have a mind that likes to wander in various directions.

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I'm not forgetful; I'm just living in the future.

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