Quote



"I'm not short; I'm fun-sized."



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I always carry a map because I get lost even when I'm walking in my own neighborhood.

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I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

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I don't need a personal trainer; my cat provides all the exercise I need.

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I don't need a fitness tracker; my dog ensures I get my daily exercise by begging for walks.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a playlist of uplifting podcasts.

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I'm not a hypochondriac; I'm just on intimate terms with WebMD.

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I don't need a personal assistant; I have sticky notes and a bad memory.

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I don't need a driver; I have my imagination to take me on epic road trips.

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I put the 'pro' in procrastinate.

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I'm not a math whiz; I just have a natural ability to calculate how much time I waste.

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I'm not an oversleeper; I'm just a dream enthusiast.

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I don't need a personal assistant; I have my phone's voice assistant that never understands me.

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I don't need an encyclopedia; I have Google.

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I don't need a vacation; I need a teleportation device.

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I'm not a mind reader; I just pretend to know what people are thinking.

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I'm not a daydreamer; I'm a master of creating my alternate reality.

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I'm not a psychic; I just have a knack for predicting when the pizza delivery will arrive.

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I'm not a workaholic; I'm just passionate about avoiding work.

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I don't need a personal assistant; I have a virtual assistant that rarely understands my requests.

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