Quote



"I don't snore; I dream I'm a motorcycle."



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I don't need a therapist; I have a playlist of '90s sitcoms.

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I put the 'pro' in procrastinate.

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I'm not late; everyone else is just early.

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I don't need a personal trainer, my metabolism keeps me in shape... round is a shape, right?

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I'm not short; I'm fun-sized.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a playlist of uplifting songs.

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I don't need a driver; I have my imagination to take me on epic road trips.

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I don't need an alarm clock; my kids jump on me to wake me up.

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I'm not old; I'm vintage.

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I don't need a personal assistant; I have a significant other to find my misplaced things.

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I don't need a fashion consultant; I have my own unique sense of fashion disaster.

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I don't need a driver; I have my imagination to transport me anywhere.

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I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a vast collection of memes to uplift my spirits.

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I don't need a motivational speaker; I have my inner cheerleader.

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I'm not a hoarder; I'm a collector of memories and things that may be useful someday... maybe.

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I'm not a chef; I'm just really good at burning things.

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I don't need a personal chef; I have mastered the art of microwaving.

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I'm not a worrywart; I'm a professional over-analyzer.

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I don't need a personal trainer; I have a talent for finding excuses not to exercise.

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I'm not a snacker; I'm a professional taster of snacks.

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I don't need a personal chef; I have mastered the art of ordering takeout.

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I'm not a night owl; I'm a night giraffe—elegant and tall, stumbling in the dark.

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I don't need a life coach; I have a collection of self-help books gathering dust on my shelf.

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I'm not a know-it-all; I just know a lot of useless information.

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