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"I'm not high-maintenance; I just have high standards... and a few low batteries."
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I'm not a chef; I'm just really good at burning things.
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I'm not crazy; I'm just mentally hilarious.
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I don't need a personal trainer; I have a talent for finding excuses not to exercise.
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I don't need a driver; I have a great sense of direction—it's just usually the wrong one.
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I don't need a chauffeur; I have a knack for getting lost even with GPS guidance.
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I don't need a life coach; I have a collection of motivational memes on my phone.
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I'm not a daydreamer; I'm a professional escapist.
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I put the 'pro' in procrastinate.
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I'm not stubborn; my way is just better.
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I'm not a math genius; I just have a special talent for calculating how much sleep I'm losing.
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I'm not a quitter; I'm just on a temporary hiatus from trying.
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I don't need a therapist; I have a collection of funny videos to brighten my day.
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I don't need an alarm clock; my kids jump on me to wake me up.
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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning mess.
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I don't need a spa day; I need a spa month.
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I don't need a personal shopper; I have mastered the art of impulse buying.
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I'm not a procrastinator; I'm just an efficient last-minute worker.
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I don't need a fashion consultant; I have my own unique sense of fashion disaster.
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I'm not a worrywart; I'm a professional overthinker.
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I don't need a personal shopper; I have an addiction to online sales.
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I don't need a motivational speaker; I have my inner cheerleader.
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I don't need a personal shopper; I have an unlimited supply of cute online stores.
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I'm not old; I'm vintage.
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I'm not a techie; I'm just fluent in speaking to electronic devices like they understand me.
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I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
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I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
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I'm not a picky eater; I just have a discriminating palate.
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I'm not a scatterbrain; I just have a mind that likes to wander in various directions.
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I don't need a gym; my bank account keeps me fit.
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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning zombie—struggling to function without my daily dose of caffeine.
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I'm not a klutz; I'm just an expert at rearranging the floor with my feet.
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I'm not a procrastinator; I'm just on a never-ending vacation from responsibilities.
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I don't need a hairstylist; I have a natural talent for bedhead glamour.
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I'm not a workaholic; I'm just extremely passionate about taking frequent breaks.
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I'm not a tech expert; I'm just really good at breaking electronic devices.
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I don't need a fitness tracker; my pet ensures I get my daily exercise by constantly demanding attention.
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I'm not a party animal; I'm a party panda—rarely seen in public, but a legend when spotted.
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I'm not a hoarder; I'm a collector of memories and things that may be useful someday... maybe.
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I don't need a therapist; retail therapy is my cure.
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I'm not a pessimist; I'm an optimist with a realistic perspective.
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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning warrior—battling the snooze button with all my might.
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I don't need a driver's license; I have a great sense of direction—just not on roads.
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I'm not a psychic; I just have a sixth sense for predicting when pizza will arrive.
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I don't need a life coach; I have a collection of self-help books gathering dust on my shelf.
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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning alien—struggling to adapt to Earth's time zone.
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I'm not a pessimist; I'm an undercover optimist with realistic expectations.
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I'm not a hypochondriac; I'm just a medical enthusiast.
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I don't need a life coach; I have motivational quotes on my fridge magnets.
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I'm not a daydreamer; I'm a professional imagination explorer.
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I don't need a fitness tracker; my dog ensures I get my daily exercise by begging for walks.
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