Quote



"I don't need a fitness tracker; my pet keeps me active with constant demands for attention."



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I don't make mistakes; I date them.

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I'm not clumsy; gravity just likes me a little too much.

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I put the 'pro' in procrastinate.

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I don't need a personal chef; I have mastered the art of ordering takeout.

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I'm not a math genius; I just have a special talent for calculating how much sleep I'm losing.

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I don't need a housekeeper; I have a cleaning-when-guests-are-coming strategy.

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I don't need a personal chef; I just need someone to follow me around with snacks.

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I don't need a personal trainer; I have mastered the art of avoiding physical activity.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a Netflix subscription.

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I don't need a personal assistant; I have Post-it notes everywhere.

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I don't need a time machine; my memory takes me on unplanned trips to the past.

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I'm not a know-it-all; I just know a lot of useless information.

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I don't need an encyclopedia; I have Google.

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I'm not crazy; I'm just mentally hilarious.

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I don't need a personal assistant; I have sticky notes and a bad memory.

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I'm not a snacker; I'm a connoisseur of bite-sized delights.

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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning monster.

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I don't need a therapist; I have my pet to listen to my problems without judgment.

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I'm not a hypochondriac; I'm just well-informed about the vast array of diseases and symptoms.

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