Quote



"I'm not crazy; I'm just mentally hilarious."



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I don't need a driver's license; I have a great sense of direction—just not on roads.

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I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

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I don't need a therapist; I have my pet to listen to my problems without judgment.

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I don't need a motivational speaker; I have a YouTube playlist of inspirational speeches that I never watch.

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I don't need a fashion consultant; I have my own unique sense of fashion disaster.

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I'm not stubborn; my way is just better.

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I don't need a personal chef; I have mastered the art of ordering takeout.

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I don't need a personal trainer; my cat provides all the exercise I need.

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I'm not a worrywart; I just prefer to plan for every possible disaster.

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I don't need a chauffeur; I have a sense of direction that never fails to mislead me.

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I don't need a chef; I have a microwave and a cookbook.

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I'm not short; I'm fun-sized.

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I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, my phone, and my temper.

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