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"I put the 'pro' in procrastinate."
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I don't need a life coach; I have an inspirational quote app on my phone.
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I don't need a therapist; I have a playlist of funny videos to uplift my spirits.
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I'm not old; I'm vintage.
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I don't need a personal trainer; I have mastered the art of avoiding physical activity.
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I'm not clumsy. The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.
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I don't need a fashion consultant; I have my own unique sense of fashion disaster.
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I don't need a life coach; I have my own internal monologue.
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I don't need an encyclopedia; I have Google.
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I'm not a daydreamer; I'm a master of creating my alternate reality.
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I'm not a math genius; I just excel at calculating how much time I waste on unimportant things.
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I'm not a picky eater; I'm just a food critic in training.
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I put the 'pro' in procrastinate.
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I don't need a therapist; I have a playlist of feel-good movies.
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I don't need anger management; people just need to stop irritating me.
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I'm not a hoarder; I'm a collector of memories and things that may be useful someday... maybe.
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I don't need a life coach; I have a collection of self-help books gathering dust on my shelf.
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I don't need a vacation; I need a teleportation device.
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I don't need a personal chef; I have mastered the art of ordering takeout.
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I'm not a workaholic; I just have a strong work-is-my-only-hobby game.
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I'm not a grammar Nazi; I'm a punctuation vigilante.
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I'm not lazy; I'm just on power-saving mode.
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I'm not a couch potato; I'm a sitting enthusiast.
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I don't need a therapist; I have a playlist of uplifting songs to lift my spirits.
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I don't need a fashion consultant; I have my own unique style that defies trends.
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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning grumpasaurus—growling until I've had my coffee.
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I'm not a multitasker; I'm just really good at doing multiple things poorly.
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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning sloth—slowly waking up and clinging to my bed.
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I don't need a hairstylist; I have a natural talent for bedhead glamour.
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I don't need a chef; I have a talent for turning simple recipes into culinary disasters.
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I don't need a driver; I have my imagination to take me on epic road trips.
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I'm not a procrastinator; I'm just embracing the fine art of last-minute creativity.
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I don't need a motivational speaker; I have my alarm clock.
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I'm not a quitter; I'm just on a temporary hiatus from trying.
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I don't need a therapist; my cat listens to me without judgment.
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I don't need a therapist; I have my pet to listen to my problems without judgment.
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I don't need an alarm clock; my kids jump on me to wake me up.
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I'm not an oversleeper; I'm just a dream enthusiast.
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I don't need a personal trainer; I have mastered the art of finding excuses not to exercise.
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I'm not a control freak; I just know what's best for everyone.
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I don't need a therapist; I have a vast collection of memes to uplift my spirits.
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I don't snore; I dream I'm a motorcycle.
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I'm not a party pooper; I'm just an expert in finding excuses to stay home.
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I don't need a personal shopper; I have an online shopping addiction.
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I don't need a personal trainer; my cat provides all the exercise I need.
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I don't need a time machine; my memory takes me on unplanned trips to the past.
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I don't snore; I dream I'm a chainsaw.
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I'm not a know-it-all; I just know a lot of useless information.
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I'm not a drama queen; I'm a drama empress—ruling my own chaos.
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I don't need a fitness tracker; my pet ensures I get my daily exercise by constantly demanding attention.
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I'm not a snob; I just have refined taste buds.
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