Quote



"I'm not a procrastinator; I'm just an efficient last-minute worker."



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I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, my phone, and my temper.

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I'm not a mind reader; I just pretend to know what people are thinking.

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I'm not a scatterbrain; I just have an impressive ability to forget important things.

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I'm not a night owl; I'm a nocturnal unicorn—magical but sleep-deprived.

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I don't need a personal chef; I have mastered the art of ordering takeout.

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I don't need a hairstylist; I'm having a bad hair decade.

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I don't need a personal assistant; I have sticky notes and a bad memory.

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