Quote



"I don't need a gym; my bank account keeps me fit."



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I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, my phone, and my temper.

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I don't need a personal assistant; I have sticky notes and a bad memory.

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I don't need an encyclopedia; I have Google.

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I don't need a fashion consultant; I have my own unique sense of fashion disaster.

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I don't need a vacation; I need a teleportation device.

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I don't need a personal assistant; I have a virtual assistant that rarely understands my requests.

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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning ninja—silent, moody, and ready to disappear.

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I'm not a pessimist; I'm an undercover optimist with realistic expectations.

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I don't need a fitness tracker; my dog ensures I get enough exercise by pulling me on walks.

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I don't need a fitness tracker; my pet ensures I get my daily exercise by constantly demanding attention.

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I don't need a hairstylist; I have a natural talent for bedhead glamour.

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I don't need a personal chef; I have mastered the art of takeout.

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I'm not fat; I'm just easier to see.

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I'm not a drama queen; I'm the whole theater production.

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I don't snore; I dream I'm a motorcycle.

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I don't need a driver; I have a great sense of direction—it's just usually the wrong one.

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I'm not a party pooper; I'm a party observer—analyzing the dynamics from a distance.

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