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"I don't need a spa day; I need a spa month."



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I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something shiny.

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I can resist everything except temptation... and pizza.

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I'm not a shopaholic; I'm helping the economy.

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I'm not a psychic; I just have a sixth sense for predicting when pizza will arrive.

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I'm not a perfectionist; I just have really high standards that I can never meet.

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I don't need a life coach; I have an unlimited supply of self-help books.

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I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

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