Quote



"I don't need a spa day; I need a spa month."



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I'm not a multitasker; I'm just really good at doing multiple things poorly.

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I'm not a troublemaker; I'm just misunderstood... and frequently caught.

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I don't need a therapist; retail therapy is my cure.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a playlist of uplifting songs.

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I don't need a personal shopper; I have a closet full of clothes I never wear.

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I don't need a life coach; I have motivational quotes plastered all over my walls.

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I'm not clumsy. The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.

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I'm not a technology addict; I'm just in a committed relationship with my devices.

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I don't need a life coach; I have a collection of motivational memes on my phone.

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I'm not addicted to chocolate; I just have a committed relationship with it.

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I don't need a personal assistant; I have my smartphone.

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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning mess.

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I'm not a worrywart; I'm a professional over-analyzer.

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I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

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I don't need a fitness tracker; my dog ensures I get my daily steps chasing after him.

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I don't snore; I dream I'm a motorcycle.

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I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning alien—struggling to adapt to Earth's time zone.

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I'm not crazy; I'm just mentally hilarious.

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I'm not a mind reader; I just pretend to know what people are thinking.

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I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something shiny.

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