Quote



"I don't need a personal trainer; my fridge is my motivator."



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I'm not a snacker; I'm a connoisseur of bite-sized delights.

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I always carry a map because I get lost even when I'm walking in my own neighborhood.

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I'm not a grammar police officer; I'm a grammar superhero, here to save the world from grammatical errors.

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I'm not a know-it-all; I just know a lot of useless information.

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I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, my phone, and my temper.

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I'm not a party animal; I'm a party dinosaur—extinct most of the time, but wild when I appear.

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I'm not clumsy; it's just the floor hates me.

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I'm not a mind reader; I just have a talent for guessing what people are thinking and being wrong.

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I'm not a drama queen; I'm the whole theater production.

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I don't need a therapist; I have friends who give terrible advice.

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I don't need a personal chef; I have mastered the art of ordering takeout.

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I put the 'pro' in procrastinate.

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I'm not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.

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I'm not clumsy. The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.

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I don't need a personal chef; I just need someone to follow me around with snacks.

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I don't need a motivational speaker; I have my alarm clock.

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I don't need a reality show; my life is already a sitcom.

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I'm not a techie; I'm just fluent in speaking to electronic devices like they understand me.

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I'm not a technology addict; I'm just in a committed relationship with my devices.

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I'm not a procrastinator; I'm just on a never-ending vacation from responsibilities.

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I don't need a therapist; I have my pet to listen to my problems without judgment.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a dog.

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I don't need a personal assistant; I have my phone's voice assistant that never understands me.

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I don't need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

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I don't need a fitness tracker; my dog ensures I get enough exercise by pulling me on walks.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a playlist of '90s sitcoms.

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I'm not a hypochondriac; I'm just well-informed about the vast array of diseases and symptoms.

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I don't need a life coach; I have a collection of self-help books gathering dust on my shelf.

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