Quote



"I don't need a personal assistant; I have my smartphone."



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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning mess.

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I don't age; I level up.

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I don't need a personal shopper; I have mastered the art of impulse buying.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a playlist of '90s sitcoms.

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I don't need a gym membership; life is my cardio.

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I'm not a klutz; I'm just an expert at rearranging the floor with my feet.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a playlist of feel-good songs.

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I don't need a chauffeur; I have a sense of direction that never fails to mislead me.

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I don't need a life coach; I have a motivational poster in my bathroom.

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I'm not clumsy. The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.

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I don't make mistakes; I date them.

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I don't need a personal trainer; I have mastered the art of scrolling through workout routines.

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I'm not a night owl; I'm a night adventurer—exploring the depths of the internet and the fridge.

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I'm not a troublemaker; I'm just creatively mischievous.

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I'm not a party animal; I'm a party sloth—slowly enjoying every moment.

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I'm not crazy; I'm just mentally hilarious.

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I'm not a picky eater; I'm just highly selective in my culinary adventures.

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I don't need a personal shopper; I have an addiction to online window shopping.

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I'm not clumsy; it's just the floor hates me.

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I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

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I'm not a pessimist; I'm an optimist with a realistic perspective.

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I don't need a therapist; I have friends who give terrible advice.

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I don't need a personal shopper; I have an online cart full of things I'll never buy.

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I don't need a fitness tracker; my pet keeps me active with constant demands for attention.

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I don't need a therapist; retail therapy is my cure.

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I'm not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.

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I'm not clumsy; gravity just likes me a little too much.

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I don't need a vacation; I need a teleportation device.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a dog.

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I'm not a tech guru; I just have a natural ability to break electronic devices with a single touch.

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I don't need a housekeeper; I have a cleaning-when-guests-are-coming strategy.

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