Quote



"I'm not a pessimist; I'm an optimist with a realistic perspective."



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I put the 'pro' in procrastinate.

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I tried being normal once. It was the worst five minutes of my life.

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My bed and I have a special relationship. We're perfect for each other — I get to sleep, and it supports my laziness.

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I don't need a chef; I have mastered the art of eating out.

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I'm not a procrastinator; I just like to live on the edge of deadlines.

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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning sloth—slowly waking up and clinging to my bed.

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I don't need a vacation; I need a teleportation device.

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I'm not clumsy; gravity just likes me a little too much.

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I don't need an encyclopedia; I have Google.

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I don't need a fashion consultant; I have my own unique style... or so I'm told.

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I don't need a personal chef; I have mastered the art of ordering takeout.

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