Quote



"I'm not a grammar Nazi; I'm a punctuation vigilante."



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I always carry a map because I get lost even when I'm walking in my own neighborhood.

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I don't need a fashion consultant; I have my own unique style... or so I'm told.

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I'm not a hoarder; I'm a collector of memories and things that may be useful someday... maybe.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a playlist of uplifting podcasts.

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I'm not addicted to chocolate; I just have a committed relationship with it.

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I don't need a personal shopper; I have a closet full of clothes I never wear.

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I'm not a morning person; I'm a caffeine-dependent life form.

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I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

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I don't need a housekeeper; I have a cleaning-when-guests-are-coming strategy.

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I'm not a couch potato; I'm a sitting enthusiast.

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I don't need a genie; I have Amazon Prime.

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I don't need a personal assistant; I have sticky notes.

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I'm not a party pooper; I'm just an expert in finding excuses to stay home.

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I'm not fat; I'm just easier to see.

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I don't need a prince charming; I need a man who can open pickle jars.

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I'm not a shopaholic; I'm helping the economy.

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I don't need a therapist; I have friends who give terrible advice.

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I'm not a hypochondriac; I'm just on intimate terms with WebMD.

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I don't need a personal assistant; I have my smartphone.

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I don't need a life coach; I have an unlimited supply of self-help books.

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I'm not a party animal; I'm a party sloth—slowly enjoying every moment.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a WhatsApp group chat for venting purposes.

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I don't need a reality show; my life is already a sitcom.

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I'm not a drama queen; I'm the whole theater production.

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I don't need a life coach; I have motivational quotes on my fridge magnets.

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I don't need a hairstylist; I have mastered the art of the messy bun.

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I'm not a hypochondriac; I'm just an avid reader of medical articles.

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I don't need a hairstylist; I have a natural talent for bedhead chic.

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I don't need a fitness tracker; my dog ensures I get my daily exercise by begging for walks.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a playlist of motivational cat videos.

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I'm not a techie; I'm just fluent in speaking to electronic devices like they understand me.

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I'm not indecisive; I just prefer to explore all the options.

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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning grumpasaurus—growling until I've had my coffee.

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I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode.

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