Quote



"I'm not a drama queen; I'm the whole theater production."



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I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, my phone, and my temper.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a playlist of uplifting podcasts.

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I'm not a procrastinator; I'm just an efficient last-minute worker.

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I put the 'pro' in procrastinate.

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I don't need a genie; I have Amazon Prime.

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I'm not a worrywart; I'm a professional over-analyzer.

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I don't need a personal chef; I just need someone to follow me around with snacks.

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I don't need a chef; I have a microwave and a cookbook.

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I don't need a fashion consultant; I have my own unique style... or so I'm told.

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I'm not a hypochondriac; I'm just on intimate terms with WebMD.

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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning zombie—walking through life in a caffeine-induced haze.

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I'm not a night owl; I'm a nocturnal unicorn—magical but sleep-deprived.

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I don't need a gym membership; life is my cardio.

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I'm not a troublemaker; I'm just creatively mischievous.

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I'm not a workaholic; I just enjoy being productive in my own unique way—by taking frequent breaks.

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I'm not addicted to chocolate; I just have a committed relationship with it.

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I don't need a hairstylist; I'm having a bad hair decade.

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I don't need a personal shopper; I have an online cart full of things I'll never buy.

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I'm not a morning person; I'm a caffeine-dependent life form.

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I'm not clumsy. The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.

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I don't need a motivational speaker; I have a YouTube playlist of inspirational speeches that I never watch.

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I don't need a personal trainer; I have mastered the art of avoiding physical activity.

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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning grumpasaurus—growling until I've had my coffee.

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