Quote



"I'm not a math whiz; I just have a natural ability to calculate how much time I waste."



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I'm not a pessimist; I'm an undercover optimist with low expectations.

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I'm not a morning person; I'm a morning sloth—slowly waking up and clinging to my bed.

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I don't snore; I dream I'm a chainsaw.

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I don't need a personal assistant; I need a personal chef.

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I don't need a chauffeur; I have a natural talent for taking wrong turns.

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I'm not a couch potato; I'm a sitting enthusiast.

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I don't need a life coach; I have inspirational quotes on my screensaver.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a playlist of uplifting podcasts to boost my mood.

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I'm not a workaholic; I'm just extremely passionate about taking frequent breaks.

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I don't need a personal shopper; I have an impeccable sense of confusion.

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I don't need a personal shopper; I have an addiction to online sales.

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I don't need a driver; I have my imagination to take me on epic road trips.

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I'm not a psychic; I just have a sixth sense for predicting when pizza will arrive.

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I'm not a psychic; I just have a knack for predicting when the pizza delivery will arrive.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a playlist of '80s sitcoms to uplift my spirits.

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I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode.

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I don't need a therapist; I have my pet to listen to my problems without judgment.

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I don't need a chef; I have mastered the art of eating out.

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I'm not a picky eater; I'm just a food critic in training.

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I don't need a personal shopper; I have an online shopping addiction.

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I don't need a life coach; I have an inspirational quote app on my phone.

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I'm not an oversleeper; I'm just an underscheduler.

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I don't need a hairstylist; I'm having a bad hair decade.

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I don't need a hairstylist; I have a natural talent for bedhead glamour.

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I'm not a party animal; I'm a party dinosaur—extinct most of the time, but wild when I appear.

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I'm not a procrastinator; I just like to live on the edge of deadlines.

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I'm not a thrill-seeker; I'm an accident-waiting-to-happen enthusiast.

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I can resist everything except temptation... and pizza.

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I don't need a life coach; I have a refrigerator magnet with inspirational quotes.

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I'm not a workaholic; I just have a strong work-is-my-only-hobby game.

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I'm not a worrywart; I just prefer to plan for every possible disaster.

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I'm not a troublemaker; I'm just creatively mischievous.

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I don't need a fashion consultant; I have my own unique style... or so I'm told.

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I don't need a personal trainer, my metabolism keeps me in shape... round is a shape, right?

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I don't need a life coach; I have a collection of motivational memes on my phone.

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I don't need a therapist; I have a playlist of uplifting music to boost my mood.

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I don't need a personal assistant; I have Post-it notes everywhere.

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I'm not a morning person; I'm a caffeine-dependent life form.

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My bed and I have a special relationship. We're perfect for each other — I get to sleep, and it supports my laziness.

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I don't need a life coach; I have a motivational poster in my bathroom.

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I don't need a personal shopper; I have an unlimited supply of cute online stores.

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I don't need a fitness tracker; my dog ensures I get enough exercise by pulling me on walks.

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Funny