Funny quotes about mothers

Let’s be honest, mothers are amazing. They juggle a million tasks, wear endless patience hats, and somehow manage to keep us alive (and hopefully, sane). But let’s also face it, motherhood is a wild ride filled with unexpected turns, questionable choices, and enough spilled juice to fill an Olympic swimming pool. So, today, we celebrate the lighter side of the equation with funny quotes about mothers that remind us that even amidst the chaos, laughter is the best medicine (besides maybe actual medicine, because let’s be real, kids are germ factories).

Self-Deprecating (But Relatable) Humor:

“I’m not a regular mom, I’m a cool mom. …said no mom ever while hiding in the closet eating leftover Halloween candy.” – Unknown
“Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn’t know you had, and dealing with fears you didn’t know existed.” – Linda Wooten
“My kids are angels. As long as you don’t mind angels who constantly shed glitter and leave nerf bullets in inconvenient places.” – Unknown

Celebrating the Absurdity:

“Having a child is like having a tiny, drunk person who throws up on you and needs constant attention. But you love them anyway.” – Unknown (questionable comparison, but relatable!)
“My kid is so picky they wouldn’t eat a rainbow if it were served with chicken nuggets.” – Unknown (parents of picky eaters, unite!)
“I’m pretty sure I’m qualified for a superhero movie after dodging Legos in the dark for the 100th time.” – Unknown (we all deserve superhero capes!)

Here are 25+ funny quotes about mothers:

“I asked Mom if I was a gifted child… she said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for me.” – Unknown
“Mothers are like buttons—they hold everything together.” – Unknown
“I love cleaning up messes I didn’t make. So, I became a mom.” – Unknown
“My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hackett
“A mother’s job is never done, but today’s laundry is done, so I’m off to read a book.” – Unknown
“Behind every great kid is a mom who’s pretty sure she’s screwing it all up.” – Unknown
“My mother’s secret to feeding four kids: Cook one dish, everyone pick out the raisins.” – Erma Bombeck
“I’ve been diagnosed with ‘mom brain.’ It’s like regular brain, but with laundry and snacks.” – Unknown
“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.” – Calvin Trillin
“A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.” – Peter De Vries
“A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.” – Tenneva Jordan
“My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.” – Rita Rudner
“Any mother could perform the jobs of several air traffic controllers with ease.” – Lisa Alther
“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?” – Milton Berle
“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.” – Phyllis Diller
“A mother is a person who, upon seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.” – Tenneva Jordan
“The phrase ‘working mother’ is redundant.” – Jane Sellman
“There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.” – Chinese Proverb
“A mother is not a person to lean on but a person to make leaning unnecessary.” – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
“If at first, you don’t succeed, try doing it the way mom told you to in the beginning.” – Unknown
“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” – Erma Bombeck
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” – Phyllis Diller
“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.” – Erma Bombeck
“A mother’s love is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking, and it never fails or falters, even though the heart is breaking.” – Helen Rice
“Motherhood: feeding them as a baby, eating their leftovers as a toddler, stealing their food as a teen.” – Unknown